Happy vs. Cautious

I am part of a fertility group on Facebook where we discuss our thoughts and things going on with us as well as documenting our progress and regressions into said progress.  We were discussing one week about personal questions or statements each of us has gotten about our journey and how we responded to them.  I didn't have such a question at the time but now I do.

Statement:  You must be so happy you are pregnant.


When I decided to tell my boss and a few other colleagues I was expecting, I was not expecting to feel guilty because I wasn't happy enough.  Yet, I did.

I was very honest when I replied to this statement:  No, I'm not exactly happy but not unhappy either...more cautious.

We have worked quite hard and spent a fair chunk of money to do this and we/I don't want it to be ripped away.  These people don't know the history and what we have gone through: the meds each day, the daily and weekly doctor visits and worrying about what if this doesn't work this time, can we afford one more time not to mention the more emotional physical aspect of this: surgeries and being doped up on many, many hormones.

I feel like I should be happier, and I am beginning to be happier, but I'm not quite there yet.   Although each day I become less cautious and more happy.  I am enjoying it more.

When I have said this response to people at work they take a second and look at me then say how happy I must be.  I let it go because again, they don't know the full story.  It isn't their fault; and I in no way feel obligated to tell them anything more, but I'm not about to lie about my feelings either just because I didn't say what "I should" or what they think I should say.

I really want to enjoy being pregnant and cannot wait until I am even less cautious and even more happy. I mean, I never even had morning sickness.  To be sure that is an amazing sign!

These feelings are completely normal for women who have faced or are facing fertility concerns.  It helps to discuss these things with women going through the same things, or who have gone through them before.  They say it gets better as you become more pregnant and yes, it is all worth it.